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April 8th

7:44 p.m. :: 2005-04-08

Jeremy,
I still cry at night. It's been since October. That's six months. Half a year it's been, and I still cry. And I still hold your blanket, and I still pray for you. It's been about a month since I've seen you. It's been about four months with Travanti. And still I pull out the Tarot cards and ask questions about you! I hear things are not too good with you and Janet. I hear things are bad. I hear that you still don't have a job.

You knew me. You understood me. And I took that for granted. You trusted in me. You put your all into me. I took it for granted. You confided in me, and I took that shit for granted.

Travanti doesn't confide in me like you did. Travanti won't cry on my shoulder like you did. Travanti won't ever understand what it's like to be broke. You understood that better than me. He doesn't respect my stuff, because stuff is nothing to him. But you had/have so little, that you knew. You always took care of things that were mine. I'm so sorry I took that all for granted. If I could do it over, I'd make you a friend, because friend's last longer, and I need a friend. I need a friend so bad... I miss you Jeremy... Please come back to me. Please, I'll be so good to you. I'll never betray you.

You're a bum Jeremy. And I've grown to love white teeth, groomed hair, and abs... But nothing can replace the conversations and understanding and respect between the two of us. Love is great, but love with understanding is better. I wonder if you miss me too.

I've been writing to you in this diary. Read the others.

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