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Jeremy... So that was goodbye?

6:41 p.m. :: 2005-03-15

Jeremy,
You said, "I see no need for us to keep contact," or something along those lines. What I wanted to say to you without Janet being there was, "I covered your ass, you better be greatful." You were under the influence of alcohol? Was that a lie? I didn't taste it on you. You were depressed? About what? Leaving me? And it was only for three minutes? Which time? I mean, seriously... And I just sucked it up and said, "yeah, that's what happened, my fault." So, I hope you're greatful. That's my rep you know. Not that my rep is that great - but it's better in this new world I'm in.
I've been trying to remember lately - What was my relationship with Jeremy really like? How often was I upset with him? Did I feel like I do now? Was that love the same love as I have for Travanti? I don't know. I've been trying to call Steave to tell him for you to visit this diary at a library or something.
You may truly feel that you don't need me anymore... And to be honest, I don't feel that I need you, but I do wish that I could call you a friend someday - but I think with Janet in the picture we can never really be friends.
By the way, Travanti was extremely pissed when you showed up right then... That was terrible timing. Well, maybe not so much for me...
Sex is so different now. I feel completely different about it. I mean, with you, I felt... Well, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it really, but it is very different than how it is now. I'm almost never on top... And ... well. Never mind. Not important.
I wish you'd get a job.
And your own house.
You're smart. You're funny. And if you brought your body to a more healthy state of being (You're not really that fat anymore... but, yeah) you'd be set.
Anyway...
I still love you. I always will. And if you ever need anything, you know you can come to me without me telling a soul. (this does not include sexual favors. no more cheating for me- on anybody, or making someone cheat on someone - ever)
I really pray that one day, maybe a year from now we can really be friends - I still think we can learn from each other. I've never known anyone like I know you. And I don't know if you've ever known anyone like you know me- but you know me damn well. And I begin to see that we made a better match than I thought we did. (personality wise, that is)
I guess that gets off my chest most everything. If and when you read this - there are more letters to you before this - as well as in your e-mails and notes section. To reply, you can either log in and add an entry, or leave me or yourself a note. If you can't remember your password, here's a hit: playa who's making money. Oh and...please reply with at least something so I know you read it.
I'd like to talk to you in person.
883 1075
578 5941
So call me if you can if you want to see me sometime. I don't expect it to be soon. Not even close to soon. But... This entry will be here for you.
Jeremy... I'm over you, I really am, but sometimes I still look back and cry remembering all that I had felt so stongly... And sometimes I look back and smile, for all that you tought me.
*hugs and kisses*
Yours truly,
-Raederle

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