Yesterday :: Today


April 29th 2006

8:48 a.m. :: 2006-04-29

Jeremy,
this is totally crazy that I still even think about you, much less write about or to you.
The thing is, you're a permanant part of my past, and seemingly permanantly in my mind. You're back in my dreams the way you were when you first broke up with me. I had a dream the other night where I was sitting in Travanti's lap watching TWO of you, yes, two of you, like twins, making out, KISSING, like tounge KISSING each other. How weird is that?
I woke up thinking about you this morning, which is really weird because Travanti and I had sex first thing this morning, but before we were having sex, and after you just popped into my head.
I still remember the contours of your face. I still remember how your hair felt between my fingers. I still remember the sound of your voice.
Remember one time we were walking from the card shop, and you had made this new Yu-Gi-Oh! deck I think it was. And you kept drawing hands from it as we walked and explaining what you would do if you drew that hand.
I remember thinking how smart you were.
I remember holding your head in my lap while you cried after nightmares. I remember how your face looks covered in tears.
I remember the shape of your mouth when you smile, and how it moves your cheeks up, and how your eyes twinkle.
You know, I used to think you had eyes way more beautiful that Travanti's. That time feels so long ago, and yet I remember it like yesterday.
You thought I'd forget, but I can't forget. I can't forget how you said, "Fuck you, it's over," out on the waterfront. I remember when you put your arm around me, and chills went down my spine because I had thought I lost you, but then got you back. Then you just curtly explained about how it was your responsibilty to get me home.
I remember walking into the living room of the apartment, and the first thing I saw was your ass crack, and I first was questioning my mind why you would be sitting in there with your pants down, and then I saw the TV and the porn, and you turned around with this "what?" expression on your face, and I think I flushed because I felt embarressed, but I couldn't place why.
I remember our vacation. It was so romantic standing with you on the beach.
I also remember the flip side, in the bathroom, biting your hand. I assure you my pussy hurt more than your hand. You know, I have not had a yeast infection since. I've learned how to prevent them very well now.
I miss you.
I miss you in a friendly way, but I know as long as I'm with Travanti I can't see you, and a small part of me aches knowing that.
I guess some of you will always be with me.

Yesterday :: Today