Yesterday :: Today


July 8th

12:31 a.m. :: 2005-07-08

Jeremy,
I want so badly to go back in time. I want to fix us. I want to fix Travanti and I. I want to fix my schooling. I want to fix this house. I want to fix... me. I didn't get to see you today. I've gotten used to seeing you daily. So as you can imagine, I miss you.

Travanti seems like he's on the verge of leaving me everyday. This bothers me more than I thought it might. I'm not seeing him too much anymore, which also bothers me more than expected.

I feel so powerless over him. The only thing I can do is leave him, and at that, he'll shrug. He might go home and cry, but he'll never let me know. I wouldn't get a chance back with him. I hate feeling like this. I feel so worthless and betrayed by myself and the world.

I feel like my own body isn't good enough to live in. My own bed isn't good enough to sleep in. My own house isn't good enough for me to feel right living in. I feel like I'm missing something every step of the way. I feel so lost. I'm not getting anywhere. I'm just exsisting, taking up space and not helping anything or anyone.

I feel like you must be able to help me somehow. I feel at peace around you, like it doesn't matter that I'm wasting time. I don't want to ever loose you from my life. *hugs* and *cheek kisses*

It's all I can give...

Yesterday :: Today