Yesterday :: Today


July 15th

2:09 p.m. :: 2005-07-15

Jeremy,
I've come up with my resolution. I can't keep living like this with Travanti, as I've already said. So after his birthday, which is the 24th, nine days away... After those nine days I'm going to wait a week. I figure that Travanti has no reason be angry about anything after he gets his car and stuff from his parents and after I buy him some shit. If he doesn't spend more time with me, do more for me, be more cooperative etc. then at the end of the week I'm going to say I just can't do it anymore. I can't stand him putting me down, and blowing me off, and not talking to me.
Jeremy, I never ment to fall in love with him like this. I'm so stuck, but so hurt. It's going to be hell to say goodbye to him. I might never see him again. Unlike your situation with Jannette. She's still there for you. You can still be friends with her. I'm almost positive I wont have anything even close to that option with him. I feel like there is so much to gain from him. So much happiness I could reach if I just knew what buttons to press. On the outside he's my dream man. He's smart (not as smart as you), strong, attractive, and makes friends easily. I could learn from that - and yet I just feel like shit half the time. I might yet again change my mind, but this is my resolution for now. I can't keep hurting like this.

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